you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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