Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
