capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she peed on how many people?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
