Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
bring money and cleavage
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
