i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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