i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
