There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
