I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
