so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
