Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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