come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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