Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
