I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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