I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
