She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
