How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
