im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
