At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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