On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
