i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
