Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Randomize
