She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
