The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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