I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
