How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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