theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
zippers are such a cool invention
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
