yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she peed on how many people?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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