He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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