they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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