I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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