Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
