the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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