I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
