Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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