I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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