i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
