That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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