Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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