I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I look better un-naked...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
