oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
