so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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