with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
