god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
