Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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