turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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