I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
