i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
fuck your aforementioned shoe
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
