Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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