went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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