Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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